


It’s Better to be Held than Holding On

by orphan_account



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Past Infidelity, the drug use and sex are barely there though it's just a fleeting detail mentioned a few times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-09 04:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20501528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jaebeom can’t begin to love Mark if he already loves him.





	It’s Better to be Held than Holding On

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [spaghetti](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20366389) by [mujatuan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mujatuan/pseuds/mujatuan). 

> inspired by mujatuan's [spaghetti](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20366389), i hope you don't mind that i wrote something (mediocre) based off of your amazing fic lin aa ,,  
this can be read as a separate work if you wish! but i recommend that you read lin's fic first just because it's really good (and you might understand the background of this fic better) ^^  
title taken from the rose's [she's in the rain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbGpCKgCjlA)

Jaebeom doesn’t ignore how Mark half-heartedly picks at his food with his fork, how his eyes aren’t looking down at his plate, but somewhere else far, far away. The dish had barely been touched. They started eating a little more than half an hour ago.

“Mark.”

Mark’s head snaps up. Their eyes meet, but there’s a part of him that still isn’t here.

“...Sorry.”

His voice is quiet. Empty. Barely audible over the faint chatter floating around the two of them.

They’re at a casual restaurant tonight instead of in bed at Jaebeom’s house. It was Jaebeom’s idea to go out for dinner (to which Mark reluctantly agreed after some consideration and convincing on Jaebeom’s part), wanting the other to have a change of pace instead of the usual high-induced fuck.

Softened by the warm incandescent lights hanging above, the face in front of him is reminiscent of a skeleton: sunken cheeks, hollow eyes, and dull skin; the unfortunate result of letting go of yet another toxic relationship. A manipulator and a man who’d already lost himself at the first glance.

“I can’t stop thinking about him,” Mark admits, as if he’s read Jaebeom’s thoughts, “Maybe there was something I could’ve done differently. Maybe I’m just weak, you know? Maybe if I stayed a little longer, we could’ve bee-”

“It’s over now,” Jaebeom says with finality.

Mark slumps back in his seat and lets out a soft sigh.

“...Yeah. I guess so.”

Mark looks painfully fragile right now. Jaebeom thinks he could break him even more just by looking at him.

But he won’t. He’d never be careless with the other.

He knows that Mark is trusting. Too trusting, based off the number of messy relationships Mark has cried to him about on countless nights filled with alcohol and weed and sex. He knows Mark deserves better. He knows that he can treat Mark better than his exes ever did.

“Do you ever get tired of me?”

It’s a hesitant question. The fork is no longer in Mark’s hands, placed beside the nearly untouched dish instead. Mark is still not looking at Jaebeom, focusing on his lap instead. Anticipating.

“Never.”

Mark doesn’t look up.

“Yien.”

Mark looks up.

“I’ll never get tired of you.”

The uncertain hope in the other’s eyes grows a little bit brighter.

-

After dinner, Jaebeom takes Mark to a bridge that overlooks the water. Neither of them want to head home just yet, content with having the company of the simple silence of the night instead.

They’re leaning on the metal railing, watching the night sky.

Jaebeom glances over at Mark.

He looks beautiful tonight.

Mark’s soft laughter breaks the silence, and Jaebeom realizes he’s voiced his thoughts out loud. He’s not embarrassed, though. It isn’t a lie.

“Thank you.”

Mark is looking at him now, doe eyes shimmering under the golden light of the street lamps beside them. Jaebeom thinks he could get caught in the vast space of them if he’s not careful.

Instead, his eyes trail downwards. Down to the tiny mole hiding under his eyelashes, to the shadows under his eyes that are harsh against his skin, the soft arch of his nose, and finally, his lips. Jaebeom is reminded of the tender moments they shared while wrapped in each other’s embrace: soft kisses without the intense lust-filled hunger, vague whispers exchanged in the middle of the night, the warmth of their two bodies radiating off of each other. He wants to capture Mark in a kiss right now.

“Done staring yet?”

Though Mark is smirking playfully at Jaebeom, there is somberness and uncertainty evident in his eyes.

Jaebeom doesn’t answer.

Instead, he says, “You don’t have to pretend to be happy.”

It’s not what Mark expected to hear.

“I know you’re still upset. It’s okay to be,” Jaebeom adds.

Mark presses his lips together apprehensively, contemplating what to say. He turns away, choosing to gaze out at the water instead.

“I’m sorry,” he finally murmurs after some time.

“Don’t be. It’s okay.”

Mark continues to study the way the water below them ripples gently. Or maybe he’s not even looking at the water at all, Jaebeom thinks. Maybe he’s getting lost in his thoughts again.

“Mark.”

Mark doesn’t look this time.

“I know it’s hard to move on. I don’t expect you to be over him so soon.”

Mark is still silent, but Jaebeom knows he’s listening. So he continues to speak.

“Don’t be sorry for something you can’t control. It’s okay to take a while. I’ll be with you all the way. I’m never going to leave you.”

The night is quiet after his last words. There’s no noise between them but the expectant chirping of crickets, waiting impatiently for one of them to say something, anything.

Mark’s hands are gripping the railing tightly. Jaebeom hears soft sniffling amid the silence of the night. Mark is crying.

Jaebeom pulls Mark into his embrace gently, one hand rubbing his back and the other resting Mark’s head on his shoulder. He doesn’t mind that Mark is hugging his waist tightly as if he’d disappear once they separate. He doesn’t mind that his shirt is being stained with Mark’s runny snot and tears either (he can easily throw it in the washer). What he does mind, though, is that Mark is _crying_, and he’s not going to make excuses for himself or yell at Mark for showing his vulnerable side (he never has and he never will).

Instead, he continues to stand there, his feet planted firmly on the concrete. He’s not going to leave Mark. He’s going to do better than what Mark has been given. He’s going to love Mark. Mark, from his heavy but gentle voice, his bubbly giggles, the arch of his nose, to the stars in his eyes. Mark, from his heart of gold, his selfless nature, his unending kindness, and his quiet but loud presence that pulls every eye his way. He’ll even love Mark for his teasing nature, his blunt sincerity, his stubbornness, every flaw and imperfection that makes him even more perfect than he already is.

But then, Jaebeom realizes as he threads his hands through soft greasy locks of hair, he can’t begin to love all of Mark if he already loves him.

It takes a while for Mark to calm down, but Jaebeom doesn’t mind if it means he gets to hold Mark close for a little longer. He feels Mark shuffle in his arms, and then he sees a pair of eyes staring at his own in the dark. Wanting something. Afraid to ask.

Mark kisses him without warning.

It’s only a short kiss, one that isn’t nearly long enough for either of them, but long enough to leave Mark with a small smile as he pulls away. Jaebeom thinks that he’s smiling as well.

He loves Mark. Mark loves him. He wants to stay by Mark’s side forever.

“I love you,” he breathes out.

Mark beams and pulls him closer.

“Always?” he asks hopefully.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> (oh that ending... gross)  
hi! long time no post! ^^  
i wrote this in a few days for mark's birthday because i felt bad if i only wrote him a birthday message (even if he's not going to read this sksksk) :(  
i loved lin's fic a lot that i was literally itching to write something based off of it and well. this is what came out of it (lin i'm so sorry if this didn't do your fic justice,,)  
i also wanted to experiment a little? not sure if it turned out well though lol  
anyway happy birthday to mark! i hope he has a great birthday and that he has a great day! <3


End file.
